I wish i was loved properly

Sydni Washington

I wish I was loved properly

There’s not much more I can say past that

I know I give my all to others

Maybe it’s the way my pen flows just like my words

Writing a sweet symphony of love never to be forgotten

Being loved by me is being immortalized

A being forever engraved in a piece of writing

The generations after declare it as the love that was

Or never was?

I get a little confused sometimes

My heart stamps a slur of intimacy

Yet the forbidden words come from the tongue

“I don’t think we can be together”

I’m sorry

It never occurred to me that I was writing a tale of someone else--

Yet forgetting about my own

The artist forever etches her print on a canvas—

But a mere signature can’t be imagined into a person

I’m sorry let me not be vague

I’ve always had a hard time being seen

Never the one walking in the line

But always behind

Never the favorite friend-- Just the one at the end

So when I broke the ties I

Tried to understand...

Why

Unrequited love was suddenly more than merely an enticing frank ocean lyric

A sentiment my mind became all too familiar with

Becoming the reality that drowned me

I became the over-lover

Though I was taught to believe love was a beautiful thing

It left nothing but scars in the shapes of smiles on my face

“I love you”

No you don’t love me

You love the idea of me

You love that i’ll always be there

And no matter the contradictory actions that you inflict on me

You know....

“I love you more”

Though

I wish I was loved properly